friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
