And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
