Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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