Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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