If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
