the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
