Jerry, you need to find god
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
