I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
