I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
