Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
