Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
