the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
