Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
