If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
