I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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