Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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