i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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