Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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