He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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