i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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