I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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