Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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