Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
