When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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