She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What drink are we having for lunch?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
