Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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