butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
