Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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