Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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