Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
