ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
