you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
