We're facebook friends in real life
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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