i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
