my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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