sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
