hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
