im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
