living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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