Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
