i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
