they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
