I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
