Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
