Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
