arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
