It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
