What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
