She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
