Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
