I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
